I just realized today that going through JC2 A' level stress had taken a huge toll on my ability to appreciate nature, or rather, to appreciate much of anything at all. I seem to have forgotten the way to enjoy the beauty of nature the way I used to, I mean, being able to waste time and just sit looking out the window at the rain in the past, to the current 'oh-look-its-raining-so-I-will-go-play-guitar-now' kind of reaction probably is testament enough to my inability to slow down and just appreciate these kind of nature related stuff that I claim I love.

I don't know why but for some weird reason, I walked out that exam hall on the 21st of November having ended my A' levels not ecstatic with an anticipated sense of freedom, being neither happy or relieved, nor even sad or regretful; just with an emotional void. Well, no doubt it could be the lingering effects of exam stress but, it has been two weeks ... and part of the feeling still remains, deeply rooted to my being, refusing to subside even though I've tried to recover. It could be the lack of closure I have for A' levels due to my slack attitude when it comes to studying ... even though I did toil hard for A' levels (Fine! It IS last minute but imagine trying to re-learn every single thing for every subject in two weeks ...) which should be enough of an effort to get that 'no matter what happens, I tried my best' false sense of security. Hmmm ...

Anyways, I saw Oswin off at his enlistment location today at Pulau Tekong, along with his family. Its kinda sad to see him walk off around that corner knowing that he only had 12 days to spend time with everyone he cares about, before being dragged into that compulsory 'transition phase' from being a boy to 'becoming a man' that everyone seems to console enlistees unsuccessfully by saying. Not to mention all those NS posters about oh "Think not about what you lose now but think about what you will gain in the brighter days ahead", I always thought that they were meant to make the parents feel better and not the enlistees themselves, because I sure don't feel in any manner consoled! Haha. I am going to miss him though ...

Tekong is however, from what I've seen, a rather scenic place when you compare it to the Singapore city, having no crowds, no noise, no dirt and theres a lot of natural flora there too! While waiting for the ferry to depart for 'mainland Singapore', for once in an entire year have I felt appreciative of nature. I mean, feeling the natural cool breeze, seeing the ocean fade away into that distant mist, being able to make out the outline of every cloud in the sky, and even being able to see the sunny sky from horizon-to-horizon makes me feel so refreshed. It feels as if some long slumbering part of me had awoken and I finally feel alive! Haha :)

Yeah well, I guess I have been rather ... deprived.
Posted at 9:47 PM